My Depression / Bipolar Page!

Please be patient while the images are loading. Thank you!

This Page is long overdue!
I have been dealing with manic-depression since I was a teenager.
Unfortunately, I was not properly diagnosed until recently.

It is inherited,
as I'm pretty sure my sister was a manic-depressive.
My mother, God rest her soul, internalized her depression
and died of a "broken" heart.
My sister, God rest her soul also, killed herself
after being severely brain damaged as the result of botched brain surgery.

Suicide was a constant companion of mine for many years.
That is until my sister killed herself
and I realized just how devastating it was to my family and her friends.
Thank God my many suicide attempts were unsuccessful!
My will to live proved stonger than my desire to die.

I also believe therapy can help save you from self-destruction.
I have been in therapy many times and credit it and my therapists
with saving my life ... literally.

What causes Bipolar Disorder? It means that I have dysregulations
in the emotional regulation "circuitry" of the brain, especially
the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex.

I become very "hyper" when I'm in a manic state.
I talk too fast and buzz around with unrestrained energy.
I stay up all night, working on my art, as I never know how long it will last.
I am aware of my actions while in this state, but am helpless to stop myself.
Depression, on the otherhand, keeps me from creating artwork and living a full life.
I feel like I'm under water (a phobia of mine) and I can't break the surface to catch my breath!
I lie around watching T.V. all day. I eat when I'm not even hungry.
I also spend too much money on things I really don't need,
just to make me "feel" better.
Again, I am helpless to stop the behavior.

I do try to live as normal a life as possible under these circumstances.
I credit my partner and my God with keeping me together most of the time.
I took Zoloft® for years to keep from thinking about suicide every day.

Today is March 16, 2012 and I went to see a new psychiatrist.
She has precribed lithium for my mania.
She tells me that it won't affect my creativity (which is why I refused to get properly diagnosed for so long!).
I will let you know how things progress... so stay tuned.

Below are a few examples of my "depressed" art and poetry.


"Deathbed" charcoal on paper 18"x12"
Denton '76

Cross of Tears

"Cross of Tears" charcoal on paper 18"x12"
Denton '76

Firing Squad

"Firing Squad" charcoal on paper 18"x12"
Denton '76

Shapes and Ladders

"Shapes and Ladders" charcoal on paper 12"x18"
Denton '77

Knife's Blood

"Knife's Blood" charcoal on paper 18"x12"
Denton '77

Fist of Rage

"Fist of Rage" acrylic on illustration board 16"x12"
Denton '78


"Impressions of Lonliness on Valentine's Day" graphite on newsprint 20"x16"
Denton '78


"Tear" oil on canvas 12"x12"
Denton '98


"(Tor)Mentor" graphite on paper 9"x12"
Denton '90

An abuse of power
and of friendship.
You, my mentor,
became my "tormentor."
I was young and nave.
You took advantage.
You touched me.
That was wrong.
Your trembling, sweaty hands
and slimy kisses,
made me sick.
But I never reported you.
Now only guilt remains...
and bad dreams.

Denton '99

The Beast on the Wall

"The Beast on the Wall" solarized photo
Denton '12

The beast on the wall
lives down the hall.
He comes and goes
and still I know
what he does and doesn't do.
He calls me "fool,"
then beats me, too.
What can I do?

Not only his name
is to blame.
He's a tormentor.
Some call him "Father,"
but I know what he is
and where he lives:
in my nightmares,
and my daymares,
on the wall,
down the hall.

Denton '99

I encourage you to explore the links I have listed below.
And if you know of any others I would be interested in,
please contact me through my email address. Thank you!

White Ribbon Campaign
Raising Awareness about Gay-Teen Suicide
And remembering those who we've lost
[ Mirror Site ]

Drawing at the top of the page: "Depression" graphite on paper 9"x12"
Denton '90

How did you find me? Email me with feedback at:
All rights reserved to artwork and prose on this site.
They may not be copied in any form without express permission of the artist.

Please come back soon and visit me again.

Home | My Art | Black & White Art | My Poetry | My Drawings

My Trip to France | My Spiritual Page | My Mother | My Sister

My Trip to Brazil | My Life as a Friar | My Life

View Guestbook