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February 27, 1999
I went to church last night to make the Stations of the Cross.
As I was leaving, a man came up to me and introduced himself as George.
He asked if I could give him a ride to St. Michael's
because his car had broken down and he was to meet someone there.
I drove him up to the church but no one was there to pick him up.
Then he asked to borrow money. He needed enough to get his car fixed
so he could get back to West Virginia (where he lived).
He kept assuring me that he would send me the money as soon as he got home.
I drove to the ATM, got him some money, then drove him to the nearest Metro.
(I have not heard from him, but I continue to pray for him.)
"When the Son of Man comes in glory, escorted by all the angels of heaven,
he will sit on his royal throne, and all the nations will be assembled before him.
Then he will separate them into two groups, as a shepherd separates sheep from goats.
The sheep he will place on his right hand, the goats on his left.
The king will say to those on his right: 'Come. You have my Father's blessing!
Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world.
For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink.
I was a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me.
I was ill and you comforted me, in prison and you came to visit me.'
Then the just will ask him: 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you
or see you thirsty and give you drink? When did we welcome you away from home
or clothe you in your nakedness?
When did we visit you when you were ill or in prison?'
The king will answer them: 'I assure you,
as often as you did it for one of my least brothers, you did it for me.'"
March 3, 1999
I watched one of my favorite episodes of "Touched By An Angel" tonight.
(Yes, I love that show! And I cry every time!)
It was about a little boy who knew he was going to die.
So he made a list and wouldn't "go" until everything on the list was done.
But more importantly, it was about giving thanks to God for life,
for death, for love, for family and friends, for everything!
I give thanks to God for all those things and more.
But especially for the gift of my mother and sister who have gone to be with Him.
They are one with the Light and I am happy for them, though I miss them very much.
I am comforted by the knowledge that I will see them again.
Until that time, I am also comforted by these words...
"And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven
and the first earth were passed away...And God shall wipe away
all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither
sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain: for the
former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne
said, 'Behold, I make all things new.' And he said unto me,
'Write: for these words are true and faithful.'"
March 7, 1999
The man who sent this email to me put alot of time into it.
I have copied it here (not retyped it) to show any future vistors
that this kind of thing does not bother me or make feel ashamed or guilty in any way.
God made me Gay and I must bear my cross willingly and joyfully.
But being Gay is not my cross! My cross is having to put up with people like this...
"HOMOSEXUALITY Sexual preference for and sexual behavior between members of the
same sex, considered to be an immoral life-style and behavior pattern
throughout the biblical revelation. Only heterosexual preference and behavior
patterns are approved in Scripture as conforming to God's plan in the creation
of man and woman. Moreover, all sexual behavior is to take place in the
context of marriage. Sex is considered good so long as it takes place within
The Bible makes no distinction between what some today refer to as
"homosexual orientation" and homosexual behavior. Homosexual desires or
feelings are never mentioned as such in Scripture, but homosexual behavior is
strongly condemned as a deviation from God's will for human beings. Therefore,
it stands to reason that any homosexual inclination, feeling, or desire must
be seriously dealt with as a potentially dangerous temptation much like those
temptations of a heterosexual nature such as the desire to commit fornication
Biblical references to homosexuality are relatively few. Genesis 19:1-11
tells the story of an attempted homosexual gang rape at the house of Lot by
the wicked men of Sodom. Verse 5 mentions specifically the homosexual
intentions of the men of Sodom ("to know" referring to having sex). Lot
considers this behavior wicked (v. 7). Raping his daughters was considered the
lesser of two evils (v. 8). This evil of Sodom is mentioned elsewhere (Jer. 23:14;
Ezek. 16:49-50; 2 Pet. 2:6-10; Jude 7) in the strongest terms of condemnation.
The term "sodomy" has its roots here. A similar story is found in Judges 19:22-30.
In the Holiness Code of Leviticus, homosexuality is considered an
abomination (18:22), and such behavior was to be punished by death (20:13).
In the New Testament the early church also considered homosexuality as
sinful behavior. Although Jesus never mentioned such behavior, probably
because the problem never arose during His ministry among Jewish people, Paul
clearly condemned homosexuality. Romans 1:26-27 considers homosexuality to be
a sign of God's wrath upon blind sinfulness. Such behavior is considered a
degrading passion, unnatural, an indecent act, and an error, even worthy of death (Rom. 1:32).
Some of the Corinthian Christians apparently had been homosexuals (1 Cor. 6:9-11).
Having mentioned homosexuality, Paul stated that "such were some of you" (v. 11).
Through faith in Christ they had been "washed," "sanctified," and "justified" (v. 11).
Paul implied here that homosexual behavior is
forgivable through the gospel and that any homosexual temptations should be
resisted as seriously as those toward fornication or adultery (mentioned in v. 9).
Paul also taught that homosexuality was contrary to "sound doctrine" (1 Tim. 1:10).
The Bible does not recognize homosexuality as biologically consitutional
or hereditary (as a kind of third sex), but sees its roots in the sinful
nature of man--a psychosocial, learned behavior, expressing rebellion against
God and calling for redemption. Such persons are responsible for their
behavior. This is a very complex psychological problem with many possible
roots or causes, calling for both Christian compassion on the part of God's
people as well as God's redemptive power through the gospel. The ministry of
the church to homosexuals should include: conversion, counseling, education,
and support-group relationships."
There were no homosexuals in Jesus' time? Is it really a recent phenomenon?
How many times has Paul been used to justify Christian hate against Homosexuals?
I heard on T.V. that a homosexual cannot be a Christian. I say you're wrong!
To quote Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?"
My mother asked me how I could "choose this lifestyle".
As I told her, no one would choose to be this different, this hated, this reviled.
In a way it is a choice, though.
I AM Gay and I choose NOT to deny it. To do otherwise would be to live a lie.
April 13, 1999
Uncle Yutch died last night at 6:55pm.
He breathed his last just as the priest was finishing the Last Rites.
He had been sick for a while now, and in a coma recently.
I was sad, but it was a blessing that he was finally free from the pain.
The thing I will remember him for the most is the time when I was a teenager,
and he took me aside and told me that it was okay to be different.
It was okay to be me.
I will always love him for accepting me for who I was,
long before my own parents could.
May he rest in peace.
"He will wipe away the tears from everyone's eyes..."
"To everything there is a season,
and a time to every person under heaven:
A time to be born and a time to die...
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance..."
March 12, 2000
I went to visit Mom at the cemetery today. It was the 16th anniversary of her death.
I placed blue silk irises there. Then Denny and I went to the cemetery in Maryland
to visit Susan's grave (her birthday was last Wednesday).
We planted daffodils and placed pink silk dogwood flowers there. As I was taking pictures,
the clouds parted and the sun came out. I took it as a sign from God that Susan is okay
and watching over us. I miss them both very much, but I have my wonderful memories
to keep me company, and they are always in my heart!
"Wherever you die I will die, and there be buried. May the LORD do so and so to me,
and more besides, if aught but death separates me from you!"
February, 18, 2002
I received this beautiful email yesterday and wanted to share it with you.
I want to thank you for your gift that you shared with me today.
I am an art lover...not buyer--as I cannot afford it. However I roam the vast
corridors of the Internet my eyes searching for something to move me.
I found you.
I was struck dumb by your art. It is so beautiful and so powerful.
The strength-yet vulnerability....the light....the shadows....omg!
The artwork...the poetry...the pain....the love...hit me like an axehammer in
I clicked my way through your artwork and your life and somehow I felt the most
This winter's day is suddenly filled with gentle sunlight here in London
town...a quiet sense of hope. My cat sits curled nose to tail in an armchair
on my mother's afghan...all is well.
So Greg...I thank you. You have a beautiful soul...and you express yourself
very well with brush, pencil and words.
"In summary, then, all of you should be like-minded, sympathetic, loving toward one another,
kindly disposed, and humble. Return a blessing...that you may receive a blessing as your inheritance."
1 Peter 3:8-9
November 27, 2002
I started reading this great book I've had for awhile. The title is LIVING BUDDHA, LIVING CHRIST
by Thich Nat Hanh (my new favorite author). It inspired me to buy his book
ANGER: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames and listen to his audio CDs "The Art of Mindful Living:
How to bring Love, Compassion, and Inner Peace into Your Daily Life" and "Peace Making:
How to Be It, How to Do It, Transforming Anger through Awareness".
He is truly a gifted writer, speaker and holy man.
I'm back to meditating and already feel more calm and at peace than I have in years!
"Get rid of all bitterness, passion, and anger. No more shouting or insults, no more hateful feelings
of any sort. Instead, be kind and tender-hearted to one another, and forgive one another,
as God has forgiven you through Christ."
December 26, 2002
I miss going to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. I haven't been to church since I heard that Bishop on T.V.
blame Gay priests for the sex scandal in the Church. I don't miss sitting in the pew
with all those self-righteous hypocrites or listening to ignorant homilies from homophobic priests, though.
What I miss is sitting in the presence of the Lord. I still believe that Jesus is truly present in the tabernacle
and I miss talking to Him face-to-face. It's been very hard not sitting with Him every week.
I miss our time together. But I don't see how I can go back there and not be a hypocryte myself.
So I continue my exile and look elsewhere for solace...
"The Kingdom of God is within you and all around you.
Split a piece of wood and I am there. Lift a stone and you will find me."
The Gospel of Thomas 3 & 77
March 19, 2003
I got a very nice compliment from a co-worker today.
She wanted to know what I was "on" that made me so happy lately.
I told her that I was taking Zoloft®. She said that
she was just kidding, but I told her that I am actually much happier
now that I'm taking medication for my depression.
And it's TRUE! But I really shouldn't have waited till I "hit rock bottom"
before seeking help. I'm glad that I don't think of suicide anymore, either.
I really feel that I can live my life now... instead of just waiting to end it.
Anyway, her comment really made me feel good!
June 28, 2005
Wow! I haven't written on this page in a LONG time!
I got a new tattoo today... it is the sanskrit word for "freedom from anger".
Anger has been a part of my life for so long that I felt like it was taking me over!
So I decided to get a tattoo that I could see...
and that would remind me that I needed to be FREE from anger.
If I am truly free from anger, I can live a more peaceful (and therefore fulfilling) life.
I don't expect this to happen overnight, though.
I'm just going to continue to work on it... and hopefully... someday...
I may actually be FREE from ALL my anger!
"The first step toward freedom from anger is to keep the lips silent when the heart is stirred;
the next, to keep thoughts silent when the soul is upset;
the last, to be totally calm when unclean winds are blowing."
St. John Climacus (from The Spokesman-Review.com)
August 8, 2005
On my Spiritual Page, I wrote that I was searching for a new way to express my sprituality.
Well, I've been doing a lot of research (reading and practicing)
and I think I'm going to have to go with a mix of Buddhism and Christianity!
I practice meditation and yoga.
I've even been able to cut out my medication completely.
And I must admit that I am calmer, happier and more at peace then I have ever been!
My personal altar, has statues of Buddha, Kwan Yin (the goddess of compassion),
and Ganesha (Hindu god and remover of obstacles), Tibetan singing bowls,
an insence burner, a candle, and last but not least,
pictures of the Infant of Prague, Jesus, and Our Lady of Jerusalem (all by C. Bosseron Chambers).
"Are we not here to realize the ideals of universal brotherhood and eternal peace?
Are we not here to help one another and to promote mutual welfare?
Are we not here to make a grand universal home in which everybody is respected, believed, and loved?
Are we not made for some other and better purposes than being merely material,
physical, sensual, earthly, corporeal?
Are we not capable of being more than what we appear to the senses?
Are we not also living in a realm which transcends the world of sense and perception?
To these questions I answer most definitely, and say, 'yes.'"
September 11, 2007
Six years since 9/11... a day to ponder... I found this on a web page and it made me think...
Why can't we all be more selfless instead of so selfish?
A Buddhist teacher once explained that there are three
stages in the character development of human beings: dependent, independent
and contributive. Unfortunately, most people are completely unaware of the
third, the contributive (or interdependent), state of life. For them, there
are only two options, independence or dependence.
Independence,the stand-alone self, can be a happy state because we are in
control, a necessary condition of happiness. The strong confident self
however, can easily become arrogant and isolated. But arrogance and
companionship don't mix well. It is all too likely that an arrogant person
will be unable to sustain fulfilling relationships. Instead, those
relationships will most often end in conflict and strife.
The alternative for most is dependent (or codependent) relationships.
People give respect and love, but not freely; strings are attached. This is the let's
make a deal approach to relationships, "I'll love you as long as you give me what I need."
Life in this sort of relationship can only be an emotional roller coaster,
climbing to exhilarating highs and plunging into desperate lows. This is
because your happiness is dependent upon another's behavior--upon his
validation of your worthiness of being loved.
Happiness in any situation can not be acchieved with out a sense of control.
Depending upon another to validate that we are worthy of love gives that
person control over our emotions and our self-esteem. We have given up our power..........
-- Julian in Mexico
October 4, 2007
Nudism... am I really a nudist at heart?
I've been thinking about it a LOT this week, because I'm going to be modeling nude,
for a local artists' drawing group, soon.
I've been trying to get used to being "nude" by walking around the house that way.
I have to learn to seperate being nude from being naked.
But I'm sure that a lot of people struggle with that distinction.
I remember, when I was younger (a preteen maybe),
I used to go into the woods (in back of my house), take off all my clothes, and just run naked.
It was so exhilerating! I felt free... but more importantly... ALIVE!!!
As I got older, I guess shame took hold of my inner-nudist and I covered up.
Then, after art school, my inner-nudist came out again.
I was working full-time, in advertising, and as a go-go dancer on the weekends.
I say, go-go dancer, but I was actually a stripper in a gay club downtown.
It was a liberating job, but at the same time, it was just a job.
My sister, Susan, even came to see me dance once.
Later, after I left the monastery and graduated from CUA,
I joined an artists' group and through them a nude male figure drawing group.
We were all invited to draw each other at a nude pool party... it was very casual, but also very natural.
I haven't been able to attend the drawing group in a long time, but still manage to feel connected to it via the internet.
So now that I am living out in the country, I find that my inner-nudist has resurfaced
and I'm becoming more and more comfortable with being nude... every day.
A cyber-friend (and fellow artist) has been encouraging me to shed my clothes...
thereby shedding the shame, the insecurity... and becoming comfortable with my body again.
It doesn't matter that my body isn't in great shape.
I do intend to continue to eat healthy and get plenty of exercise,
but it is what it is... and I'm okay with that.
October 25, 2007
I modeled for a group of local artists on Tuesday night.
It was my first time nude in front of a group of people since my go-go dancing days!
But it went really well!!! It did motivate me to get me gut in shape, though.
I really didn't think it was that bad, but one of the artsist made my stomach look SO BIG...
that I knew it was time to get serious!!! They asked me to come back and model again next week, though...
so I must have done something right. I am looking forward to doing it again!
Dear Madame Speaker:
My name is David Denton and I am one of the countless Americans now living without
health insurance. I am a 50+ gay man who had health care coverage when my partner was
employed in Washington, D.C. We moved from Northern Virginia to the Shenandoah
Valley a few years ago. He now works for a law firm of which the senior partner is a
staunch Republican, so I am no longer covered by his health care plan. I am a former
teacher with a B.A. in Studio Art from the Catholic University of America working part-
time in another industry and am not eligible for health insurance through my company.
We have a small farm on which I raise pygmy goats.
I am writing to you because I could not get through on the White House website and feel
that my voice still needs to heard on this matter. My partner, of nearly 20 years, has a
preexisting condition, which requires expensive medications, so I am glad that if only one
of us can have health insurance, it is he. I am able to see my Nurse Practitioner only twice
a year because of the rising costs of office visits. Based on my family history, I am
susceptible to numerous conditions including, but not exclusive of: skin cancer, heart
disease, hypertension, stroke, hardening of the arteries, diabetes, aneurysms, edemas,
Multiple Sclerosis, myelofibrosis, leukemia… just to name a few. I try to keep myself
healthy with diet and exercise, but have been unable to afford see a dentist, an
ophthalmologist, or even an optometrist for many years now.
I am concerned with the current health care reform talks, because it seems that the
“public option” is no longer on the table, but fines for not having health insurance are.
I make too little to afford privatized health insurance and make too much to qualify for
Free Clinic care. I’m sure that I am not alone in the precarious situation in which I now
find myself. Please do whatever you can to help those of us who are poor, but loyal
Democrats living and working without health care in what should be our “golden years.”
Thank you for listening and for fighting for the little people like myself.
Sincerely, David Denton
Dr. Phil’s show today focused on bullying and suicide… in the wake of
Tyler Clementi’s suicide after being bullied and “outed” by two of his classmates
at Rutgers University. It brought up a LOT of painful memories of my own childhood…
growing up different and having no one to talk to about it.
I started getting bullied in Elementary School. I was called a “sissy,” because I was artistic and couldn’t throw a baseball.
The only ones who stuck up for me were two of the “cool” kids (thanks, Greg and Lee). Weird, huh?!
By the time I got to middle school, I was hanging out with the other “misfits.”
But that was also when I started trying to kill myself!
The first two attempts were unsuccessful… and no one even knew about them.
When I got to high school, I was still an “outsider,” but now I was called a “fag.”
I managed to make a few more friends (thanks, Ginny, Pat, Lynn, Susan, Deb, et al).
Suicide attempt number three was made during those years.
I somehow survived, and made it to art school on a full scholarship.
Suicide attempts four and five took place in Pittsburgh… before I came out.
I finally discovered that my “condition” had a name… I was just GAY!
I had a couple of friends who were out and proud, so that made it much easier.
They took me to my first gay bar and I realized that I was more comfortable there than anywhere else I had ever been!!!
In those days, it was dangerous to go to a gay bar, though.
You never knew if you were the one who was going to get beaten up by the homophobes
(from the bar across the street) that week or not.
But I couldn’t live in the closet, in fear, once I was out… so I never looked back.
I moved back to VA after art school and I remember a guy shouting “queer” at me from a pick-up truck once in Georgetown,
just because I was kissing a friend of mine goodbye at his car!
My hope has always been that we would evolve as a society in the time since then,
but alas we have not. Religious extremists would have us killed or imprisoned,
just for being “different.” What are they really afraid of though…
their own feelings of attraction to the same gender?
Maybe… but why hide behind the Bible or the Koran?! Do they really presume to know the mind of God?
And besides, their God of HATE is not MY God!!!
Mine is a God of LOVE... or else he wouldn’t have made me this way… in His own image!
I hope that those who read this entry will talk to their teens and make them feel loved.
It’s OUR responsibility to see that no more young lives are lost to suicide…
just because they were bullied for being “different.”
Your silence could mean someone’s DEATH!
November 9, 2011
Dr. Phil had an episode on today about the judge who was videotaped beating his daughter.
It brought up all the memories of my own father abusing me. My earliest childhood memory is of my father beating me.
Sad, isn’t it?! Here's what happened...
My brother and I were playing on a slide and my brother was ahead of me.
He wouldn’t go down because he was afraid. I was getting impatient and my father told me to let him take his time…
“Don’t push him.” But I couldn’t wait any longer so I pushed him. He screamed on his way down
and when I got to the bottom, my father took the fly-swatter he had in his hand and beat me with it
on my legs and back. I cried, ran to my mother and she told him never to hit me with one of those again.
So in the future he made sure he found other objects to beat me with...
belts, books, paddles, rulers...
Whoever said, “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you”
probably didn’t have my father in mind, because he always used an object to hit me with... never his hand!
All new entries (after 11/10/11) can be found on my new blog!
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